Because of an upcoming
procedure (which is very small) I’ve been practising some relaxation techniques.
I don’t actually enjoy surgery, and this was evident to everyone involved in the first operation. I was anxious going to sleep, anxious
waking up, and didn’t calm down until the Percocet kicked in, a few hours
later.
Preparing for Surgery |
There are a few steps to
total relaxation. (Previously my preferred method of relaxation was a one-step wonder
known as Atavin). According to my CD, you picture yourself in a nice place, as well as a few other scenarios, eventually picturing yourself in your hospital bed
saying, ‘Oh, I’m so comfortable’. In between are a couple of other awkward
steps, one of which is meeting with the anaesthetist.
The meditation lady suggests
calling him/her and requesting that they say positive things during the surgery
about how the success of the operation. She believes these positive
affirmations from the medical team will make me feel that we are all participating
in the same adventure. I like this idea, if only because it’s a better option
than having your surgeons make fun of you while you slumber.
As I was sitting with
Escargot, my CD fell out of my bag and onto the floor. He picked it up and examined it closely. I
told him that I was going to be the most relaxed patient he’d ever seen. He looked slightly skeptical, but I told
him about my wake-up goal, and thinking, ‘I’m so fu*king comfortable’. I explained how this is psychologically
superior to thinking, ‘I’m so glad it’s over’, since that suggests that surgery
is not your friend. And, I am endeavouring to be pals with my surgery.
Dr. Escargot leaned back in
his chair and looked at the ceiling. ‘I like that,’ he said in his soft
Colombian accent, sounding slightly like Marlon Brando playing a drug lord. ‘Surgery
as a friend. That’s good. I’ve never thought about that.’
Never?! In forty years of medicine
he never thought of surgery as being slightly disagreeable to the patient ?! Escargot's scientific brain, or his ego,
has been guiding him for far too long. Meanwhile I'm being guided my a soothing stranger on a CD.
And thank God for that. Our next date is in two weeks.
And thank God for that. Our next date is in two weeks.
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