3 April 2012

Mini Meltdown Monday

Here's what they don't tell you about radiation. In order to get the beams right, they have to mark a series of dots on the intended area. I sort of knew this, but only cus I'd heard it from a friend. And I knew that I'd need a CT scan a week prior to the process, which was today.

I'd gone to a radiation Q & A, so I knew all the fancy terminology, and I'd seen the power point presentation about how radiation works. I read tons of literature, both pros and cons. And as usual, the list of side effects was about fifty miles long. But since I'd made it through chemo without too much trauma, I'd decided that radiation would be the same.  I would make it through unscathed. I'd been advised about all the best creams, saline solutions, and powders, and I intend to use them all.

So I was laying on my back,  ready for my scan. The radiologist, Simon, was doing something to the right side of me that was completely painless. Apart from being chilly (I was, after all, topless) I was relaxed. Then he said that he was going to give me four little black 'tattoos'. These are essentially the size of a pin head.  'Fine,' I said, and let him get to work. 'So when do these things come off?' I asked. 'Never,' he said,  'They're permanent'. I almost sat upright. Never?! I remembered hearing that before, but I guess it hadn't really sunk in. Permanent markings. A permanent souvenir on my chest, of radiation. Not just for me to see, but for anyone who happens to look just off centre from my cleavage, on a day where I might happen to be wearing a V-neck shirt. And as am I am a gal who like to hide things, this was a bit to much for me. I would always have them. Four tattoos. For ever.

So since I hadn't had one for a while, I decided to have a mini-meltdown. It was long overdue.

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