The barista at Starbucks told me my coffee order was ‘awesome’.
Then, when I told her my name, she told me it was ‘amazing’. Seriously? Since
when has my two syllable super-waspy name ever been considered amazing? It’s
not amazing; it’s not even interesting.
With my ‘perfect’ non-fat latte, I headed for a doctor’s
appointment. I’ve been having some weird pains in my arms and I think it might
be a side effect of the annoying aromatase inhibitor drug that I’m on for the
next several years. My regular doctor was on vacation (again), so a teenage
intern was looking through my history, and getting up to speed. ‘Wow,’ she said
sweetly, ‘You’ve been on quite a journey.’
I wanted to punch her in her sweet little face. I can listen
to the words ‘awesome’, ‘amazing’, and ‘perfect’ without losing my mind, but
when it comes to overused and offensive words, ‘journey’ takes the prize.
 |
| A Journey |
‘Journey’ is Miss Daisy getting into the back of a big old comfy
car with her valise. On this journey, there will be maps and rest stops, and lots
of pretty things to look at as the car rides nimbly past lovely white farm
houses with wide front porches, and sun drenched fields of corn.
 |
| Real Life. A Rodeo |
What was on the chart in front of my doctor bore no
resemblance to a journey. No sir! What was in front of her was a Rodeo. A full-on rodeo with a massive bull, and me, the rider, hanging on for dear life as it
tried to kill me. There was no f*cking valise. And there were no meandering
paths. There were tears, and terror, and desperate attempts at safety, and
lying on the floor staring into flaring nostrils, trying to escape sharp smelly
hooves, and still, STILL, finding a way to get back on the bull in spite of the
fear and in spite of the bruises.
And I’m certainly not alone. In the greater scheme of
things, my Rodeo hasn’t been particularly horrendous. I know people who have
been trampled to death. And those people aren’t around anymore to talk about
how their ‘journey ended badly’. Because they were in a Rodeo where they didn’t
stand a chance against their formidable opponent.
Journeys don’t promise to take you somewhere, and then throw
you on the ground. Journeys don’t have cowboys that stagger around barely able
to move one foot in front of the other, trapped in an arena that they can’t
escape until there is a winner. No ma’am, that is a Rodeo.
So don’t look at my chart, like it’s a travel blog, or a
scrap book. Look at it for what it is. An awesome Rodeo. And by that I mean the
true definition of ‘awesome’, which is ‘causing an overwhelming feeling of
reverence or fear’. As opposed to my baristas definition of ‘awesome’ which is something
I can’t be bothered to figure out.
Although to be fair, my non-fat latte was pretty close to ‘perfect’.
