14 February 2017

A Journey? That's Bull.

The barista at Starbucks told me my coffee order was ‘awesome’. Then, when I told her my name, she told me it was ‘amazing’. Seriously? Since when has my two syllable super-waspy name ever been considered amazing? It’s not amazing; it’s not even interesting.

With my ‘perfect’ non-fat latte, I headed for a doctor’s appointment. I’ve been having some weird pains in my arms and I think it might be a side effect of the annoying aromatase inhibitor drug that I’m on for the next several years. My regular doctor was on vacation (again), so a teenage intern was looking through my history, and getting up to speed. ‘Wow,’ she said sweetly, ‘You’ve been on quite a journey.’

I wanted to punch her in her sweet little face. I can listen to the words ‘awesome’, ‘amazing’, and ‘perfect’ without losing my mind, but when it comes to overused and offensive words, ‘journey’ takes the prize.

A Journey
‘Journey’ is Miss Daisy getting into the back of a big old comfy car with her valise. On this journey, there will be maps and rest stops, and lots of pretty things to look at as the car rides nimbly past lovely white farm houses with wide front porches, and sun drenched fields of corn. 

 Real Life. A Rodeo
What was on the chart in front of my doctor bore no resemblance to a journey. No sir! What was in front of her was a Rodeo. A full-on rodeo with a massive bull, and me, the rider, hanging on for dear life as it tried to kill me. There was no f*cking valise. And there were no meandering paths. There were tears, and terror, and desperate attempts at safety, and lying on the floor staring into flaring nostrils, trying to escape sharp smelly hooves, and still, STILL, finding a way to get back on the bull in spite of the fear and in spite of the bruises.

And I’m certainly not alone. In the greater scheme of things, my Rodeo hasn’t been particularly horrendous. I know people who have been trampled to death. And those people aren’t around anymore to talk about how their ‘journey ended badly’. Because they were in a Rodeo where they didn’t stand a chance against their formidable opponent.

Journeys don’t promise to take you somewhere, and then throw you on the ground. Journeys don’t have cowboys that stagger around barely able to move one foot in front of the other, trapped in an arena that they can’t escape until there is a winner. No ma’am, that is a Rodeo.

So don’t look at my chart, like it’s a travel blog, or a scrap book. Look at it for what it is. An awesome Rodeo. And by that I mean the true definition of ‘awesome’, which is ‘causing an overwhelming feeling of reverence or fear’. As opposed to my baristas definition of ‘awesome’ which is something I can’t be bothered to figure out.

Although to be fair, my non-fat latte was pretty close to ‘perfect’.