I got a text today from a colleague with whom I have a
love/hate relationship. It said, ‘Janet, what IS your deal anyway?’
Because I freelance, I often go for many months without
seeing certain people face to face. When starting a new job it’s quite common
to see friends who have gained weight, got divorced, grown a beard (men,
mostly), had a kid, or joined AA.
This text was from a colleague I haven’t seen since last summer.
At that time, he’d looked at me wide-eyed when I showed up with super-short
hair. And not cute-short either. Just short-short, in a weird way.
Next week I’ll be seeing him when I start the new job. My
hair is far better, but I’m carrying around an extra 15 pounds, which frankly,
is mostly hidden under an empire waist, or if I’m desperate, a maternity top.
But this is a six-month job, and I’ll be leaving after five
weeks to get my new rack. So he’s
curious. And passive-aggressive. And frankly, when it comes to putting 2 + 2
together, some boys can are a bit dumb and will come up with a 3. Or a banana.
So when I got a text out of the blue I knew that he was
curious. And it hasn’t occurred to me to tell the truth. (Why start now?) I
withheld all my canceritis information from the general public, so I really
REALLY don’t want to start talking about reconstructive surgery to just anyone.
My story is going to be this. I’m having knee surgery. I
haven’t researched this – so I don’t know the recovery time from a knee operation,
but nor does anybody else. And this guy is squeamish so it’ll only take a
mention of ‘cartilage’ and ‘ complications’ for him to change the subject.
If only girls were so simple.
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